The (not so) shallow life of a socialite's daughter - Part 2

Image: Shutterstock

Being a daughter of a mom who is a socialite has not been a relaxed affair, and there's never a dull moment.

Sometimes, my mother would just walk out and I know that it is a party. Other times, I know it it's a serious meeting; at least judging mostly by her mood and dressing style. 

She often shares the limelight with me, especially when invited to events like fashion shows of well-known designers, such as Sebastian Gunawan and Adrian Gan. She acknowledges that, in most cases, the guests tend to wear high-end designer clothes because they want to be recognised. Those who come for work purposes cover themselves differently. Upon entering, you are greeted with multiple cold and piercing stare. I remember feeling all sorts of things, but one that stands out is judgment. People will stare at you; they judge you by your appearance – your clothes, bag, shoes, jewellery and makeup. If, in any way, you don't dress the part, they will make you feel like you're not part of the club.

The Indonesian fashion community is small; people know each other or have heard of them. Evidently, this part of society is primarily controlled by those who have status, name and wealth. It doesn't lack a sense of competitiveness, but this primitive thinking comes from a superficial understanding that having a vast amount of money equates to one's ability to purchase new items, which results in keeping up with trends. And that factors in defining one's uniqueness of style.

Additionally, from what I've observed, the fashion crowd seems to share a common feature. In essence, the group deems that they are too cool or too qualified to tell the public how to dress like the next fashion moguls. On the contrary, my mom thinks the opposite: "The people who push and endorse a "type" of "uniqueness” actually look the same.”       

There is a thrilling feeling that comes with being recognised by photographers asking for a picture of you and your mom. At times, it certainly feels nice when my mom introduces me to her friends and acquaintances as her daughter. It goes to show that my mom does enjoy the high-end expectations and her popularity at fashion shows.

Because I've shared some of these experience with her, I caught myself feeling the same way she does. As for her, she finds it ever a humbling opportunity to get this form of accolade. That is far beyond keeping up with the reputation and adoration; she simply enjoys being with her friends and in the company of other people.

When I have the chance to come to fashion shows, private collection viewings, or other events with my mom, more often than not I like wearing my mom's clothes because I want to dress the part. There's an inkling in my mind that I have to look as good as her because everyone will know that I am her daughter. I have to keep an image.

Apart from dressing up, during events, I have to try to be social and smile. However, in all honesty, sometimes I really find it challenging to do so, especially when adults aren't the most welcoming or warmest to you. On many occasions, when my mom introduced me to her acquaintances, I was greeted with a forced hello or insincere kindness and smiles. Yet, despite it all, I've met some fun and exciting people. I have to say, though, that these people are mostly foreigners. They don't have a narcissistic and judgmental personality. In my experience, most of them make other people comfortable when conversing.

About five years ago, my mom, my sister and I went to a Barneys New York's private viewing and shopping experience during our Christmas holiday. Since it was a private event, the number of guests was less than 15, and only those who got invited were allowed to attend. I remember feeling excited but also nervous. I didn't know if anyone would start a conversation with me because I was young. However, during the private viewing, one of the retail sales workers who assisted my mom and my sister was kind enough to ask my opinions on the choices of clothes and even tried to get to know me. She asked me if I liked Los Angeles, which school did I attend and my hobbies.

This short but memorable instance goes to show that no matter how high up you are in the hierarchy, it shouldn't be a hassle to be warm and kind. That is because first impressions in the fashion world are everything and, in my opinion, if you want to be remembered by your insincerity and unkindness, people will always have a preconceived notion towards you as an uncharitable person. I think people of the fashion world, especially in Indonesia, need to get rid of this behaviour.

Aside from fashion shows, my mom and dad are occasionally invited to events affiliated with the family, particularly art exhibitions or galas. For instance, although my mom and dad have contributed next to nothing to the art world, my uncle, who is a renowned art collector, is the chair, board of patrons of Art Jakarta. Naturally, my parents get invited to art-related events. These occurrences aren't out of the norm. This kind of relationship is essential, because a close liaison with people from different fields bolsters affluence and benefits.

My mom acknowledges that when she does attend such social events, she has to do a background search on the theme of the exhibition to at least keep the conversation going. However, that does not make her shy away from talking about things that she likes the most. She would still talk about fashion, politics and her taste and preference in art. While she admits that she is judged negatively at time, there were instances where she was convincing to other people. People tend to think that their opinions matter to her. This is false because it doesn’t weigh on her.

I once accompanied her to her close friend's birthday lunch. It was a flurry of air-kisses, and all guests were in place by 1 pm. The restaurant was sectioned, creating a private area for the birthday event. The neatly placed row of tables was adorned with an arrangement of white orchids, baby's breath flowers and delphiniums and all sorts of soft green filler flowers. Everyone had their own seat with handwritten calligraphy place cards, beautifully stacked plates and a menu of a 5-course meal. On the opposite side of the table were goodie bags filled with Jo Malone perfume and a Chanel wallet. For me, this was slightly confusing. I thought, "Shouldn't her friend be gifted these items?" Even to this day, to be quite honest, I still can't wrap my head around it.

There were many other events that she was invited to that I got to come along with. One that I would not forget is the Chanel Haute Joaillerie in Singapore: The reimagined 1.5 - 1 Camelia 5 Allures. This was one of the exemplary and high-end events that we enjoyed. We arranged private transportation that took us to the Capella hotel in Sentosa. Upon arrival, we were served welcome drinks. Then we were guided by the staff to our room. It had floor-to-ceiling windows offering panoramic views of the city. On the table, there were colorful macarons and chocolate truffles, an itinerary, gifts from Chanel skincare and three custom jewellery dishes.

On the first day, we had a private dinner with Chanel at the National Kitchen by Violet Oon. On the next day, a team of hairstylists and makeup artists arrived at our doorstep to do our makeup using exclusively Chanel's makeup. That night we arrived at the event.

The food was spectacular, and we were seated with my moms' friend and other guests from around the world. The conversations that my mother had with other guests were mostly on the state of the world. As for me, I listened attentively and chimed in whenever I could. We met important people like the head designer of Chanel's jewellery line, Patrice Leguéreau, and Jeanie Buss who is one of the owners of LA Lakers.

The collection was worn by models who walked around the room from table to table, giving viewers an up-close and personal view — the collection comprises earrings, necklaces, brooches, as well as timepieces, bracelets and rings. It included highlights of floral designs with sensual, ultra-feminine curves. The pieces were quite subtle and refined, yet bold, which are all the attributes of none other than Gabrielle Chanel herself.

Many people think that socialites only sit down and get it all. This is not the case, at least from my mom's perspective. As part of her efforts to give back to the world, my mom supports different noble causes; one of which is through charity work for autism. For the third successive year, she partnered with her friend who owns a local batik brand to raise funds for an orphanage. In the partnership, my mom presents her collection for charity runway show. Last year, when she told me about this, I told her that I'd like to join as well. The next day, those who supported the cause partnered with a special needs child and walked down the runway.

From this experience I've learned that it is important to use what you are given for the greater good. My mom often told me that in the bubble that we live in, it is easy to be entrapped in greed and jealousy, and often times, this fuels people to be materialistic. Although material goods play a role in our life, it is nothing more than a social symbol. To her, it is important for me to get rid of the class privilege and to give back to the community, even if it means that I have to step out of my comfort zone.

Although living in such glory is quite fun, my mother lives a fulfilling life with purpose, which she finds in church. She has always been a devout Christian. My mom goes to weekly fellowship gatherings with my dad. Last year, the Full Gospel Business Men's Fellowship Indonesia (FGBMFI) and Ladies of Fellowship (LOF) organised a two-day event called the World Women conference. My mom was one of the speakers for the Next Generation panel. She was the head of this event. She worked hard with the organising committee to cast singers and musicians, find sponsors, promote the event, create merchandise, book the venue, handle food and A/V, contact speakers, etc.

In this regard, although I love the parties and the events, I’ve always felt the need to find my own calling and walk my own path. My mom, who didn’t go to college and got married at the age of 20, made sure that she made a life for herself. She told me that she didn’t want to constantly depend on my dad. She instilled in me that although it’s exciting to be invited to and attend these events, as well as being able to live life like it was handed to you on a silver platter, it’s important to not be stuck in an empty, materialistic life.

To put it bluntly, I have it easy. I’ve been given all the opportunities and experience by my parents – either earned or simply given. Yet, the more I dive into this world, and the more experience I gain from conversing with people with different personalities, moral values and perspective, it’s evident that a lot of these people are only in it for the popularity. Some might even go as far as to go against social ethics to be the talk of the month. These people interestingly love to be talked about. “Breaking the rules” to gain loyalty, friendship and accessibility is all that they have in mind.