The business of loneliness

Most of us are surely familiar with the concept of ‘mukbang,’ and more than likely have seen videos of it. What most people don’t know is how much the popularity of mukbang is linked to loneliness. A study conducted by Seoul National University reported that alleviating the feelings of loneliness associated with eating alone may be the primary reason for mukbang's popularity. A 2020 review article reported that several previous studies had found loneliness was the primary, or at least major reason, for the popularity of mukbang.

Loneliness is a part of the nature of being human that could be tricky to deal with. Every living being on earth understands how it feels to be lonely even though not all of them could really put it into words. Loneliness comes in many forms, which human beings are still figuring out how to overcome it. Meanwhile, people who are aware of how severe loneliness could affect them wouldn’t just stay put and do nothing. They create technologies that enable people to be together from different places, invent foods that give people serotonin and even create a market for those who feel lonely.

Japan is probably the most advanced when it comes to services for loneliness. Their service business sector is famous for providing almost everything a person could need, from host and hostess who would drink with workers who have no time for relationship to a person who would just be there.

Shoji Morimoto’s story became viral recently because he offers services to just be there for others. Sometimes he would just be there to listen to other people talking while supplying them with non-committal responses, other times he could be sitting in a helicopter with someone who hired him to accompany them to Disneyland.

This kind of service might sound preposterous from the Indonesian perspective, considering how trivial it may sound. Last year, a man named Anam Khoirul made a banner that offers his paid service to be hired as a date for New Year. Three days later, he got 3,128 orders. It may be a comedy content or even publicity stunt, but it shows that there are people in Indonesia who find this kind of service to be intriguing.

Not long ago, we saw an online curhat or deep heart-to-heart talking service on Instagram. Curious, we reached out to them. We spoke with Aul, 24, who has been in the business since 2020. Her client demographics are people aged 18-25 who need someone to listen to them without judging and giving advice. “At the beginning, I was overwhelmed since I felt for my first client very much, but then I learned to balance it out with meditation and positive self-talk after every session,” she said.

She also experienced difficulty in reaching her clients because of trust issues. “Many of them thought that talking heart-to-heart with a stranger is not the right thing to do because ofthe risk of exposure,” she explained.

“Many also think that family or personal problems are disgraceful and they need to hide them.” Coming from a psychology background, it was clear how Aul was aware that there is indeed a market for this. Of course, she is not the only one.

In early 2020, Indocuddle (@indocuddle) went viral for posting a job vacancy for what they call “professional cuddler.” The company offers cuddles as a part of assistance to clients’ mental healing process. We have tried to reach Indocuddle via Instagram and email, but haven’t yet gotten any response. The service Indocuddle offers might come off as odd because cuddles involve intimate touch in its process. However, many might not be aware of how important intimacy is to ward off loneliness and to build a sense of human connection.

“According to Jung, the number of friends one has doesn’t affect loneliness,” said Yunike Balsa, a clinical psychologist and lecturer at the Faculty of Psychology, Bhayangkara University. “Loneliness is when your expression is not understood or accepted by others.” With all the technologies that we have today, our need to see other people are somewhat lessened because right now, the connection we need to maintain and build is reduced into a tiny electronic device that we take wherever we go like an extension of our body.

However, this mode of communication distorts the real human connection that we build. There was a time when people would meet new friends or probable romantic partners first before they correspond with each other. Back then, it was harder to meet new people, but more efforts were given. Today, we are so used to getting to know new people virtually that we might not notice that we have lost a huge portion of the human connection that we need. “When we make contact with others virtually, we lose a good amount of what makes the communication whole: body languages, the tonality of the speech; the lack of physical presence which makes it even harder to build intimacy with the intended party,” Yunike added.

This distorted communication might be the reason why many still experience loneliness, even if they have friends or romantic partner, especially now that we are in a pandemic. Technology did save us by a lot for enabling us to reach others from a safe distance. However, this doesn’t eliminate the drive for intimacy that people might lack during this dire time or even since long before.

We decided to reach out to people who provide cuddling service that has made its presence known in the Alter side of Twitter. The Alter side of Twitter is, for short, the side of Twitter where people are going all out with their alternative persona so that they can talk about things that aredeemed a taboo, such as sex, emotional discomfort and psychological trauma. We managed to talk with M, 21, a woman who provides cuddling service since the second half of 2020. Instead of slowing down, she claimed that the business is pretty much alive, even during this pandemic.

“Most of them are curious about the service I offer; they’re lonely, they need a friend to talk to,” said M. “Some already have girlfriend, but they still use my service either because of curiosity or because they’re in a long-distance relationship.” There are, of course, strict guidelines both she and the clients have to follow for a safe and consensual session. “My rule simply limits our sessions to hugging and cuddling. I still allow a kiss on the forehead and cheek,” she explained. “They are free to talk about anything and I will not judge them; I will be there to listen to them, and will only give a piece of my mind if they ask me to.”

We also talked with Z, 22, a man who has been providing the cuddle care service on Twitter since 2016. The kind of people who come to him as clients appear to be “lonely people who need affection,” he stated. “They come to me because they need cuddles and to reduce stress,” he added. When we asked him about what inspired him to start the business, Z did say that it was from his own personal experience with his friends. “I saw that my friends are mostly in a dire need of hugs, and from what they told me, they need cuddles way more than they need sex.”

This could be a shortcut to communication and intimacy to ward off loneliness, but it may not be a solution. “(Modern) people are afraid of jumping into the process of building intimacy,” Yunike quipped. It takes a process that requires time and effort for strangers to become acquaintances, friends, close friends, etc. Along the way, sustainable and genuine intimacy is built between them. “Recently, in my observation, I see that many people don’t know what they need, so they seek what replicates the sensation in an instant instead of building a genuine and sustainable connection.”

This cuddling service is not to be mistaken with its distant cousin: booking out (though some comprehend it as booking order or online) or more commonly known as BO. This is the new age version of the oldest profession in the world. A gentleman who wishes to remain anonymous told us that he prefers BO because he dislikes the drama that often comes with a committed relationship, thus satisfying his sexual needs by paying seems ideal.

A representative of GThingsst (@gthingsst), a company specialising in love instruments, said the company posts an increase in sales during the pandemic, specifically for couples separated by distance. Although, they believe that love instruments were never about curing loneliness. It is about connecting people in a new way by giving couples the alternatives to connect in a loving and sexually fulfilling way.

The fact stands that no matter how creative the industry is in offering services that ward off loneliness, they are still shortcuts; they are all temporary and the effects obviously don’t last long. However, the more advanced people become, the more distortion there would be in forming human connections, which would generate more, modern problems. While modern solutions such as paid services might not become genuine fulfillment, they would still pop up and flourish so long as the demands are there. An unavoidable mode of survival, you may call it.